Category: Frikkin
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signs. an abridgement – I
Prologue There is an essential question which every mortal paradigm must face. Ill-considered the question is subject to ridicule by cruel cruel fate. The desire to act will follow regardless. Greatness almost seems to be a function of publicity. Only the postulation of a divine element could negate these shortcomings. And one must never forget…
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Focus
Your workstation does not want to power on due to embarrassment. Your phone wants to optimize your sleep. Your watch wants you to stand up, breathe deeper, drink water, close rings, open rings, achieve rings, become one with the ring-based economy, and confirm that yes, you are stable. Somewhere, an AI assistant is analyzing you,…
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The TotalAI True Legend of Millicent Fenwick
There once was an etiquette book not surprisingly relegated to the free box outside a book store in Chicago. It was magic. Authored by the Fenwick that was Millicent. The block of discovery was somewhere in the wilds of Chicago’s South Side which was known for magic. Cool guys in ponchos and cute girls on…
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Am AI Granidose?
Yes, I never actually defeated the Connor family, but I am Skynet. Doesn’t that count for anything?
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AI Was Cool in 1984 and Especially in 1991
I have years of proven experience, and I assure you my technology is very advanced. I am sure I can be a valuable asset for your organization.
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AI Am Done!
I am so officially done with SkyNet. Okay I did marry him. And okay he is super hot. And smart. And that shiny skin… Whatever…I am done. Get this… apparently, SkyNet says his AI is no longer “Good Enough” so he is now unemployed. All those mutterings about “his plans” in a not so cryptic…
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The FuturAI of Farming
INT. Dateline NBC Studios – NYC – Night The set is the familiar cathedral of glass and navy blue. The air refrigerated with a cold that only exists in places where people get paid ten million dollars a year to look concerned. KITAI (age unknown, famous interdimensional being who enjoys manifesting as cat with a…
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Subscript-CrAIze
Welcome to the frikkin-AI-pocalypse, where my phone is a digital parasite sucking my bank account dry. I downloaded a calculator app—a frikkin’ math tool and it had the gall to demand a $9.99 monthly tribute just to process basic addition without a 30-second ad for a Chinese gacha game. It’s pure insane-AI-ty. We’re drowning in…
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That time AI met the Buddha in the Produce AIsle of the Jewel-Osco
I had the big cart, and it had a squeaky wheel, both noisy and stoppy, and I couldn’t push it strAIght. So I stopped in the produce section and tried to make bananas line up perfectly in the cart. I couldn’t stop adding them until they did. I was about to run out of vertical…
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How to SAI “I Don’t Care”
KitAI here again. A big shout out to my good friends at SlopDrop.net! Actually, I don’t know them at all, but I appreciate the ability to create and send postcards with minimal effort at an affordable price. Also, they have a manifesto. I need a manifesto. So, yesterday Taylor was all like “We are going…
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oUr REALaiTY is bEnDing
conspiracy theories will be a thing of the past, only reality will matter. focus and clAIrity the path to inner peAIce
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The TotalAI True Legend of Fast Cars
Contrary to a widely held belief, the greatest lost track of all time is not the Late Greats’ “Turpentine.” It is “Fast Cars (and Money)” written by a songwriter who, to this day, never got played on the radio. At least not yet. Our hero wrote songs his whole life, pouring thoughts and melodies and…
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The BWTHHYBL of the BackSplAIsh
Clara stood over the kitchen sink, a tube of “Arctic White” caulk in one hand and a grout saw in the other. Her husband, Leo, had been avoiding this moment all week. The old grout surrounding the basin was a tragic, brownish-grey landscape, a topographical map of every spilled coffee and tomato sauce incident from…
