INT. Dateline NBC Studios – NYC – Night
The set is the familiar cathedral of glass and navy blue. The air refrigerated with a cold that only exists in places where people get paid ten million dollars a year to look concerned.
KITAI (age unknown, famous interdimensional being who enjoys manifesting as cat with a nifty flamethrower and needs no introduction) sits behind a sleek, kidney-shaped desk. He adjusts his tie as a high-definition monument to Integrity.
KITAI (To Camera; his voice silk and mahogany) “KitAI back at you. Lester Holt remains on hiatus recovering from the aftermath of his disastrous interview with Buck Sterling, the most ingenious legacy of LaGrange Illinois.” Keith Morrison still refuses any comment. Our thoughts and prayers are with them both.”
FADE IN TO REVEAL:
KITAI (To Camera; his voice silk and mahogany) “Tonight, a journey into the heart of the heartland. Somewhere in Northern Indiana.”
“A simple Midwestern farmer is on the cutting edge of AI. Not only does he use it to power the most elaborate home security system since the Home Alone movies, but he also uses it to regulate that most precious of commodities, the staff of life. Precious water. We have a photo.”
CHAIZ(A middle aged farmer with incisive and youthful engery): “Kit that is not quite right. I don’t use AI for home security, just as a voice interface for some basic home automation. Where did you get that photo? That is not my house or my farm.”
KITAI: “I know there is a very serious drug crisis in Northern Indiana. What if a meth-addled cat with a flamethrower were to try to break into your AI secured house and …”
CHAIZ (Interrupting): But that is not my house.
(KITAI checks his notes)
CHAIZ: “Also…the staff of life, that usually refers to bread or other staples and not water. I am actually a master baker…”
KITAI (Interrupting forcefully): “You need water to make bread don’t you!? So let’s say I was a meth-addled intruder with a flamethrower trying to break into the house we just saw. How would all your fancy AI help?”
CHAIZ (After an awkward pause): “Again that is not my house and I don’t know where you got that photo. I do use AI to provide a voice interface to some basic home automation controls. I don’t like using Alexa and having all my data sent to the cloud when I can use simple things like LocalAI…”
KITAI (Interrupting even more forcefully): “But what will all that AI do to save you family and the staff of life from meth addled criminals with flamethrowers?”
CHAIZ (After an awkward pause): “Not much at all. But if you want to talk about managing water usage for the farm, I do run AI on a Raspberry Pi using OLlama to help optimize the distribution. OLlama can run as a cloud service if I need to access to something like DeepSeek. Regulating water usage is very important to farm management.”
KITAI (Aiming his nifty flamethrower directly at CHAIZ): “And after the break…we learn more about if the future of farming and hopefully Chaiz will make it less boring.”